Feeling a little jealous today, the jealousy monster certainly lurks on facebooks relationship status. I've finally gotten over the nervous wreck aspect of being in a relationship, after a year and a half (high five!, usually I never get over it) the looking, the cheating, the lusting after another girl, yeah I have sick sick fantasies of my boyfriends doing that to me. Now I'm at the point of being so comfortable and knowing that this is it, let's just do this, and I want to get engaged. I want it so bad because I feel like I'm missing out, I'm missing out on the excitement and the not knowing and then when he asks the joy it must be to know that he feels it to.

fuck.

Then there is the comparing, comparing girls I knew freshman year of college who have barely dated a guy for a year and he proposes. I feel like i am aging before my very eyes and I'm loosing who I am because I'm waiting.

I read this article once about the magic number ( as in years it takes an average male to propose) about 3 and a half years. That article flashes before my eyes atleast once a day. wait, wait wait I say.

I donnwanna.